The Top 10 Things Friends and Family Should NOT Say to a Caregiver (Unsolicited Advice Edition)
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The Top 10 Things Friends and Family Should NOT Say to a Caregiver (Unsolicited Advice Edition)
Caregiving is one of the most selfless and challenging roles a person can take on. Whether caring for an aging parent, a disabled spouse, or a chronically ill loved one, caregivers often face emotional exhaustion, physical fatigue, financial stress, and social isolation. Yet, despite the heavy load they carry, caregivers are frequently met with a barrage of unsolicited advice from well-meaning (but often clueless) friends and family.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of these comments, you know how frustrating—even hurtful—they can be. If you're a friend or family member of a caregiver, consider this your cheat sheet of what not to say.
Here are the top 10 things caregivers do NOT want to hear:
1. “You need to take better care of yourself.”
Yes, we know. The problem isn’t ignorance—it’s time, money, and the lack of a backup caregiver. This phrase often feels like a slap in the face when we’re already running on empty.
2. “I could never do what you do.”
This might sound like a compliment, but it can actually come off as patronizing. It distances you from the caregiver rather than offering help or empathy.
3. “Have you tried [insert miracle cure]?”
Unless you’re a licensed medical professional intimately familiar with the situation, please don’t throw out random remedies you saw on Facebook.
4. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Platitudes don’t help when someone is watching their loved one decline or struggling to pay bills while juggling full-time care. It may feel like spiritual comfort to you—but to the caregiver, it often sounds like dismissal.
5. “God only gives us what we can handle.”
Similar to the above—this one can sting. Caregivers don’t need to be reminded of their "strength." They need resources, support, and sometimes just a shoulder to cry on.
6. “You’re lucky you get to spend so much time with them.”
We’re grateful for the moments—but “lucky” isn’t the word most caregivers would use. Watching someone you love suffer or change due to illness or age is emotionally wrenching, not fortunate.
7. “Why don’t you just put them in a home?”
It’s rarely that simple. This phrase implies the caregiver hasn’t considered all options or is making the wrong one. Either offer to help research solutions—or say nothing.
8. “I’d help, but I’m just so busy.”
We’re all busy. The caregiver is juggling medications, appointments, meal prep, financial stress, and sometimes a job or kids too. If you can’t help, it’s okay—but don't rub salt in the wound.
9. “You should really get out more.”
We’d love to. Know anyone who can cover a shift, even for an hour? If not, this comment just feels like a reminder of everything we can’t do.
10. “You’re doing it wrong.”
Unless you’re stepping in with hands-on help, don’t critique how someone manages their caregiving responsibilities. Every situation is unique, and judgment helps no one.
Final Thoughts: What to Say Instead
If you want to support a caregiver, skip the advice and try offering presence, empathy, or tangible help instead. A simple “I see you, and I know how hard this is” goes a long way. Even better: “Can I come over and give you a break this week?” or “I’m dropping off dinner tonight—no need to answer the door.”
Caregivers don’t need perfection from their circle. They just need patience, kindness, and a reminder that they’re not in it alone.
Want more tips and caregiver support? Subscribe to the AwareGiver newsletter for weekly insights and resources to help you navigate the caregiving journey by joining the email list at www.GiverAlarms.com